My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
