I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
