ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
