are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
is that a dick in a sweater?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
