Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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