Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We need to rekindle our bromance
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
