We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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