So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
