Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
