Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
