I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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