Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
