Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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