Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
