Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I just put wine in my tea
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
