The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
