I puked a lego.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
