My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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