I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
