you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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