Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
