My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
