This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
