So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
