yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
