i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
