There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
