maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
