where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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