She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
