This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
its liver damage thursday
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
