Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
