Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
