At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
