Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
