singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
should my penis look like a turkey
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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