I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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