He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
