so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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