Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I came so hard my ears popped.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
