I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
