You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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