Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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