sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
