I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
