so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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