Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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