I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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