In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
