do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
