yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
