Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
