i don't like sucking hair
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
