woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
