I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
